My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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