she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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