:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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