look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
