does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
