I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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