Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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