i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
