i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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