Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
