If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
