Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just found a bag of teeth...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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