Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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