so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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