It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
