I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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