Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The adults are the big ones right?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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