imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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