South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Blood and glitter go together right?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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