I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
