I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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