honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
