what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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