can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
