you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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