Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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