I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
