i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
