He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
