i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
