They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
