she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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