Can i not drive my cunt home
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
