I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
