Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
