There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
