We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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