Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
