i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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