dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
