all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
