yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
