I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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