I wish my penis had an off switch
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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