Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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