I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
if only i could text you this smell
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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