Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
