either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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