this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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