4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
i believe in u and ur pee
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
