oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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