do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
