Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Too much gin, very little bucket
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
