Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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