What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
