sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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