***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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